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Saturday, June 23, 2007

blades of glory

today was ilya's fourth and my first ice skating lesson. sadly, ilya's didn't go so well--he spent the majority of the class crying and holding on to the little PVC contraption they give to the skating-challenged kids. but i, on the other hand, was spectacular!!

as the only adult in a class whose median age was probably eight years old, i had the superior advantage of speed and the coordination that a 28 years of tripping over my own feet gives me. one might be tempted to think that the unfair advantage i had would cause me to hold back--you know, so the kiddies wouldn't feel so young and inexperienced in my awe-inspiring presence--but i have no scruples. i was at my most glorious, wiggling and swizzling my way across the ice with the speed and grace of a true prodigy.

most spectacular of all is what a natural i am at the art of stopping. being part of a beginner's class, they tried to teach us the hockey stop and the less-than-dignified snow plough stop, but i did not deign to use either of these mediocre methods. i much prefer the stunning technique of coming in way too fast and then slamming into the wall. in the absence of a wall, spinning around and flailing my arms does the trick as well.

at the end of the class i was given a pat on the back and told how well i did. like i needed to be told.

special olympics, here i come!


foldreformer said...

You are really brave! I must admit that I am terrified of the ice. Kellee keeps asking me to to take her and faith, and I keep trying to find excuses to try and dodge the bullet. I suppose my fear comes from when I went and played broom hockey with a church youth group. I was on the ice for 30 seconds, missed hitting the puck/ball and busted my head open; requiring 20 stitches to close up the flesh wound.

kittykattykellee said...

What a perfect activity to beat the summer heat! I think I'll take Faith sometime soon, I think she would love it!