as i sit here in a small flat in a suburb of st. petersburg, surrounded by the smells of frying food and kolbasa and inundated with the chaotic noise of dubbed loony tunes and the radio playing in another room, i have many thoughts.
first of all, when i look out the window some good movie lines about regretting decisions pop into my head. the view out the window involves darkness, dirt, and cold. and while it's to be expected, it's like childbirth: you know it's going to hurt, but just how much isn't clear until it happens.
another thought is that while obedience is better than sacrifice in God's eyes, sometimes obeying IS the sacrifice. i don't consider myself to be foolishly idealistic, but perhaps there was a little idealism involved in the decision to come here. but my discouragement is perhaps premature; after, we've been here only five days, and most of those days have been spent trying unsucessfully to get over jet lag. tiredness, plus the inevitable headache that comes with constantly trying to speak, think, and understand a language not ones own...these things work against me i suppose. maybe things will feel righter, and more clear, when i am finally in a place that feels more normal. where i can unpack my stuff, and cook my own meals, and not worry about being a burden.
another thought is that i can't understand the stuff they show on tv in europe. i just looked over my shoulder at the tv, and in between bugs bunny and the next cartoon they just showed cartoons of people having sex and girls groping each others bare chests. so much for the kids watching tv.
on a lighter note, i've been thinking about aliens. well, not really aliens per se, but the idea of there being something else out there besides us. i read my friend JL's blog, and he had a post talking about the bible and science not being opposed to one another, but at right angles. later he went on to say that he has no problem with the universe being billions of years old, because nowhere in genesis or anywhere else in the bible does it say that the creation of man was simultaneous with the creation of the universe. i agree. i've never believed that the whole of space is only 6-10 thousand years old. i mean, it could be, because regardless of what astrophysists have learned or theorize about, God can do whatever He wants and make it look like whatever He wants. but anyway, if we're talking about science, and what people know so far about the nature of the universe, the laws of physics, et al., then i don't see how the two (bible and scientific theory) conflict. now, as for macro-evolution, that is not (in my opinion) science, but merely a fanciful and not very well evidenced idea that the scientific community holds on to just so they don't have to believe in a Creator. but i digress.
my original thought was that i have no problem with the idea of there being aliens. i don't necessarily think that there are aliens, but as a believer i don't have that sort of ego-centric belief that we alone are the only things God ever made. it makes sense to me that a God who has been around forever might have made something besides humans and angels. i mean, if you had all of eternity to create things, would you make a few things and then just stop? maybe there are aliens. not in the little green men sense of the word, but...something else.
personally, i like cold hard facts. i want to know how something works, absolutely, with no room for interpretation. but at the same time, i like the fantastical. i read books like perelandra, and think, "this could happen." why not? i've long had the idea (and i said as much in a comment on JL's blog) that maybe mankind, and this whole deal of earth and sin and salvation, etc., is like a story. in the same way an author writes a book and pours him/herself into it, God pours Himself into the story of man. and when the story is done, we'll be able to sit in His library and read the finished work, and enjoy the sorrow, the joy, the uplifting and the grieving that are part of every good story. and that library could be full of other books, other stories and creations that were created for the pleasure of all. maybe it's silly, but i like the idea.
my last thought is that i'm hungry, and dinner is ready. и всё!