insomnia

sometimes i love my brain. i like the random things it seems to come up with aside from any effort or real thought on my part. i like the way it can find humor in the weirdest places. i like that it's relatively intelligent, and that it tells my body how to function without too many operational glitches.

but right now my brain and i are not on speaking terms. in fact, my brain is retarded and i'm pretty mad at it. it's stupid and annoying and it WON'T SHUT UP.

it's four in the morning, and i can't sleep. at first i was just uncomfortable--i had a bad latte earlier and it made my insides revolt. so the nausea was the reason i woke up after an hour of sleep. but then my brain decided to do a little song and dance for me, despite my protestations that really, i didn't need any entertainment. i grudgingly admitted, when it seemed my brain was determined, that if it insisted on flailing about i'd be much happier if it could entertain me by providing some interesting dreams or something.

but my stupid, retarded, asinine and annoying brain just kept on going.

it sang me some songs: monday, monday, monday by tegan and sarah. a bunch of smiths songs. comfortably numb. that song with the sad teddy bear video by the dears. that one repeated itself several times, then my mind decided to loop on this duet with reba mcintyre and justin timberlake until i felt my sanity start to dissolve. the whole time this little soundtrack was playing, my lovely and considerate brain provided me with some running commentary: hey, let's paint. you want to go paint? no? why not? oh, you're sick of the studio. i see. hey, you're going to russia soon. isn't that scary? you've forgotten a lot of russian. you probably won't have any friends there. i wonder if the door to wherever we live will be made of wood like normal doors, or a big heavy metal one like every other flat in russia. i wonder if i can ice skate there. hmmm....ice skating. that was fun. i liked spinning. and jumping. and falling. oh wait, no, falling sucks. luckily i never broke anything. but hey! i'm not terribly fragile. remember that time you jumped off a cliff into some shallow water? oh, which time? the time in arizona where you tried to convince jonathan deane it was a good idea? the time in russia where you cut your foot open on whatever horrible rusted junk was on the bottom of the canal? the time at the ambroses cabin where the gators were swimming all over the place and art said (for the umpteenth time) that it was a dumb idea and not to do it? art...hmm...art is snorning. let's go sit on the couch and maybe i'll let you sleep once we're out there. ha ha! you fell for that? what an idiot. look! it's three in the morning. three in the morning. three in the morning. pieces of eight, pieces of eight...THE BLACK SPOT! you dare to give me, your brain, the black spot!!?? on a piece of paper torn from the HOLY SCRIPTURES!! tim curry was a good long john silver. although the rest of the muppets performances weren't as nuanced as they could have been. and that gay kid with the mullet could have not sung his horrible high pitched song...no...not that song, brain! i beg you! no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!