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Wednesday, October 10, 2007

the better path

i got to ride a motorcycle for the first time the other day.

i shouldn't have. art didn't want me to. but selfishly i put my own desires ahead of my husbands feelings, and went anyway.

i tried to ignore that feeling of guilt as i sped along behind my dad. the wind buffeting me was exhilarating. the sight of trees changing from green to red and gold was inspiring. the smells of trees and wildflowers was amazing. and yet: that gnawing guilt.

at first i was annoyed to have my fun spoiled. after all, i'd been given a choice and told to do whatever i wanted. i don't like to be tested. i'd rather be told what to do than have to make a choice. and it wasn't much of a choice. go and feel bad about it, or stay and be sad that i didn't get to do something i'd always wanted to do.

but then, that's a lot like how God deals with us, isn't it? we have free will, and with that free will comes a choice that doesn't seem like much of a choice at all: choose God and give up on your dreams, desires, and "fun", or choose to do what you want and suffer the grief of separation.

that of course makes God sound like a cosmic kill-joy, which any true believer knows is not the case. it doesn't matter what fun or dreams of fullfillment we give up to walk with God--He will replace those desires with joy we could't have had or imagined without Him.

yes, it was fun to ride a motorcycle. but it would have been better to ride in the car with my husband, to put his feelings first, and to not have wasted a day separated from him by grief and hurt feelings. sometimes the right path is less exciting and infinitely better.

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